Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize