I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
