We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
