I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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