I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize