Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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