how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
