Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
