I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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