Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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