WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
