Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
