I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
