Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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