hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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