apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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