this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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