I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
