Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
