So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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