Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
