im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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