Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
