Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize