Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize