It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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