About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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