the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
being pregnant is like rehab
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
