i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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