I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
