u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
