apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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