I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the day after is always just damage control
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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