you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
