Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
