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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

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• (585): View more from New York

  broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.

  (716): View more from New York

  you're writing country songs now?

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major

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• (713): View more from Texas

  splinters make it hard to masturbate

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• (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!

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• (707): View more from California

  Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now

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• (315): View more from New York

  HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Now that's what I call smart money management.

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• (619): View more from California

  I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.

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