when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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