i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
