At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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