fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
