fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
