On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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