living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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