when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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