Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
