Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
