You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
