I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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