Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
