can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think my tv is drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
