I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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