He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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