i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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