Non-Jews are for practice
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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