I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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