So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
