I love black thongs
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
