okay pat passed out under dana's car
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
