Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
