I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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