also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
