I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
