When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
