We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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