I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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