Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
