Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
