So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
