is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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