My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize