so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
