I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
