Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
