how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
