You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
