Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
