Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
