I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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