Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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