I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
COCAINE IS GR8
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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