I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
