OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
