no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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