You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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