Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
